A young girl asked for the new Twilight DVD for her birthday. On her birthday, she sat outside surround by friend and family as she eagerly opened a beautifully wrapped dvd size package. Once it was opened, she stared at the dvd in her hand in disbelief.

“This is Veggie Tales….I asked for Twilight, mommy,” the girl wailed.

“Honey, I told you I don’t think you are old enough to watch those types of movies yet. Veggie Tales are a better choice for someone your age…you used to love them …and we can watch it together.”

The girl looked at the dvd. “Veggies, huh?“ She mumbled. The girl opened the package and took a bite out of the disc. She spit the bite out towards her mother, and the piece flew into her neck like a ninja star. She made a faint gasping sound as the blood trickled from her neck.

Twilight obsessed kids are crazy!

A man was driving home from work with his girlfriend. They were in the middle of a huge fight about something stupid again, and he was pretty sure she was about to break up with him. He turned a corner and yelled, “Shit!” as he slammed the right front end of his car into a light post, shattering the passenger side headlight.

“Oh my god…what just happened?” The girl yelled in a shaky voice.

“Shit. Did you see that puppy that just ran in front of me? I almost hit it,” the man said shouted.

“Oh my god, no. I didn’t see it. Is he okay?”

“I didn’t hit him...he should be fine,“ he said. “Poor little dog, I don’t know what I would have done if I’d hit him. Thank god I missed. Are you okay, honey?”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” she said. She gave him a big hug and said, “I love you.”

They drove home and had awesome sex.

There was no dog.